imbalance

I wasnt in a good mood recently,
the reason is simple.

I found tat it is pretty hard to find the balance between being funny and gaining respect.
It always happen to me I guess, and I knew some of my friends face the same problem, friends like Aiyin, and we talked about that when we were in Liverpool.

Yes, I think it is really difficult to become a funny person, yet people can respect you.
Because most of the time, the boundary of people laughing with you or laughing at you is unclear.

All this while, I try to become a funny person that bring laughter to people, and I knew some of my friends appreciate me for doing that.

But ofcourse, there are some poeple who treat funny person as a buffoon, and in certain extent I found that these people's reaction or response is actually too much, and they probably didnt realize it.

When you are taking the role as a funny person in a group,
people tends to treat you like a friendly, easy-going, close friend.
People laugh when they are talking with you, people smile when they are looking at you.

But out of certain extent there are somes who treat you like an idiot or fools, who never grow up with a childish attitude.
These people dont appreciate your role really, they dont really care about you, they wanted to see you so that they can laugh at you.

At this point, I have found that many of these people had totally forget the role of the funny person took in the group.
When one has taken this role too often, people no longer laugh with you, but they laugh at you.

And I think I know how to interpret the diffrence between laugh with me or laugh at me,
just that I cant distinguish these two things when I needed to.

Sometimes, I dont even know who am I and who I want to be.
People who know me well should realize that I have actually multiple characters (like anybody else, perhaps I have few more) and it depends on which occasion, location, and the group I'm in to become who I want to be.

If you asked me,
I think I wasnt that funny,
and I wasnt that serious.

But one thing for sure,
I want respect.

Not that kinda respect which you need to give me a tribute,
but the respect that shown that you appreciate me for being myself.

Human is sensitive,
and I think I know what it feels like if (when) people are laughing at me,
at that moment the feeling is always strong, and I know someone is insulting me.

Dont get me wrong,
I am happy to be myself,
I am rily please to become a person that owns multiple characters,
sometimes it feels good when you can switch roles in different occasions,
some might claim it is tired to put on the mask,
who wasnt huh? but still I think no matter which character I am taking, as long as that's me then I am please.

Who the true side of myself?
Again, I think I wasnt that funny or that serious.
I am just me, and I am happy to be me.

Until today, I still feel happy for taking the multiple roles among friends.
and Im sure I will continue to serve this need as long as my friends like it.

Once again, I think I need to clarify,
I am still happy, like Aiyin did.

But I can't pretend myself like a fool and idiot when I get insult and act like nothing happen.
In many cases, I think I am not happy with the way people react, they repeat, repeat and repeat...
Still I didnt change my character, because if I did, that certainly means I was wrong previously.

One last thing that cross into my mind when I am saying 'just be myself',
I think I am not an extremist to label myself as me myself.

A person tat believe blindly in the theory of 'be myself' is problematic,
because he/she couldnt accept criticism and these people dont often apologize.

When they have do something wrong,
they don't admit that it was their fault,
but in an opposite position,
they blame the others for not accepting themselves for being who they are.

I think this kinda extremist mindset is sick.
If one who think 'be yourself' is the greatest character that everyone should own,
I am sure that 'be yourself' is only an excuse to wipe-off your fault.

When one criticize you,
you can't just say 'I'm just being me myself, so fuck off if you dont like the real me'

Can you imagine what would happen to this world if everyone owns this kinda mindset?

So,
who is the real me?
am I being the true side of me myself all this while?

I dont really know,
because if I did,
that would translate to 'I am a person who know myself and be myself',
then when one criticize me I shall tell them 'I'm just being me myself, so fuck off if you dont like the real me'

But I wont say that.
You see, I am not an extremist.

My point is, it is impossible to understand yourself and being yourself at the same time.
Everyone has their own weaknesses, and they would like to hide it ofcourse.
Are you sure you are being yourself when you are saying that?

To be yourself, is pretty easy actually.
You dont have to analyze your own character, you just be yourself.
Be yourself who bring laughter to the others, and be yourself who might make someone angry to you.

That's yourself.

So, the only chance that conflicts could happen,
is the moment that one who being himself/herself is doing that in the wrong time.

Again, I repeat, I wasnt that funny or serious,
and when I am slighty slanting against either side,
I think I am being a real me myself, but at the same time, I am not.

After all, it wasnt that important to study one character whether he/she is being himself/herself or not.
Respect is still a very fundamental thing in making friends, and I think this element is even greater than 'faith' and 'loyalty' when we are talking about friendship.

Eventhou 'respect' can be shown in people's action or words and 'faith' and 'loyalty' live in our heart, but without 'respect' I think the friendship is dead anyway.

And since the matter of respect is totally off, in the end I think faith and loyalty wasnt that important anymore.

lonely Double Happiness

this year so call 'Double Happiness' mah,
Chinese New Year CHOR YAT and Valentine's Day together,
but I can say frankly,
I never feel so boring and lonely in CNY.

Family is heading to Thailand,
girlfriend balik kampong to Ipoh,
friends all busy thiz and busy that.

I never feel so lonely really.
Most of the time,
I can find this bunch of fren when that bunch of fren is not there,
and that bunch of fren when this bunch of fren is not here.

But this year,
hmm.....
it's pretty sad huh....

Well I guess we all hv grow up aye?
Yesterday we were talking about having gathering this and that,
CNY must come out meet up and LOU SANG together.

But today we are talking about go back hometownsss,
not only our own hometown,
and also our love partner's hometown, if not, it's their house.

We are all looking forward to a new life,
new friend, and the love one that you probably gonna spend your rest of the life with.
They are more important for you isnt ?

I mean,
I am not complaining like a child la,
but seriously I feel so uncomfortable for the change this year,
since we start working already.

Life is short,
we all should only spend time for the one who deserve it right?
There is no point for visiting a friend that he/she has no longer close to you wasnt it?

Perhaps when we were stil a kids we always think about angpao angpao,
but I guess today the true meaning of visiting a friend and relatives are much more important than the angpao huh?

What is the point of getting alot of angpao's from a friend's parent while your relationship with your friend is not good anymore?
Can you feel the joy?
Can you feel the happiness?
and do you really think that this angpao money can make you richer?

Seriously,
I know I shouldnt say this kinda things in CNY,
you know Chinese ppl always like to hear good things in CNY,
they are fake, they are stupid, they like to get self-comfort,
the person who say the wishes doesnt really mean it but the person who hear it simply can't resist it.

That's the problem of Chinese culture,
Christmas bring peace and Hari Raya bring forgiveness,
personally I think these occasions are much more meaningful wasnt it?

But my point here is,
is not to criticize CNY,
and I am proud to be a Chinese ofcourse,

but the thing is,
when we keep on doing same things and saying same wishes every year,
repeat and repeat,
we are celebrating the CNY for the sake of CNY,
what a waste really.

In the end,
we might forget the true meaning of CNY and visiting friends/family house.

Everytime we celebrate A Chinese New Year,
we tends to hope that good things will come in the 365days ahead,
but we already forget that the previous 365days has already lost in space.

I wish I didnt spoil the CNY mood,
but when you are seeing less old faces and more new faces during the family reunion,
you knew you are getting older and your elder relatives are leavin you....year by year....

In the case like that,
are you still in mood to wish your relatives 'Gong Xi Fatt Chai' while you didnt mean it?

why i say my life is perfect

I can give you thousands of reason why I say my life is happy.

But to tell you why I say my life is perfect,
I don't need to talk much.

Just back from the preach at PGRM,
try to learn more and more by weekly,
soul is fed.

Then when I get back to my home,
hot noodles is prepared by mum right after I finish my shower,
body is fed.

What else do I need?
If this is not considered as 'perfect', I think I am out of idea to define this word.

I do not deserve this

Last week Redtone's CEO held a press night at One World Hotel, to officially lauch his new television network on subscription based, called DETV, which its broadband technology is first introduced in Malaysia.

Basically press night is a social event that a company's boss invite all the media to join them for a launching event, got dinner served and many fab. prize to win.

My photographer asked me to join him, so be it, let's go.

That night, I have see another picture yet again.
It's about the classification of human.

I saw the hotel waiter and waitress being scolded by their captain for like 1000times when I work as a video crew lastime.
It's a pretty ordinary image for me really.

But on that day,
it was my first time seated on the dining chair and serve with food on the dining table.

I feel uncomfortable really.
I think to myself.
What is the difference between me and the waiter?

Both of us are human, both of us are men.
What makes me sit here and what makes him stand there?
What makes me enjoy the food and what makes him serve the food for me?

Do I deserve this?
No, I do not.

Which is why,
everytime he pour the water and wine for me,
I say 'Thank you'.
Deep inside my heart I say THANK YOU.

everytime he change my plate and bowl I say 'Thank you'.
deep inside my heart I say 'THANK YOU'.

I really feel uneasy.

I saw a Chinese man who shouted at the waiter and ask him 'Go away, go now, go serve the wine for the people at that table, go now!'

Then when the waiter leave,
he laugh at the waiter and make jokes of the waiter with his friend.

WTF?
It was so embarrassing man.
Shame on him,
he definitely bring shame to the Chinese people.

HE YELL AT THE WAITER LIKE YELLING AT THE DOG.

This I wil always remember.
After I finish my study in UK,
I have learned that people should have identity equality, eventhough in reality this is not possible.

But in UK,
they tends to make it as its best as they could.

Atleast the garbage man is a white man,
and people respect this job.

As a student that was once study in oversea,
I knew how hard for one to live in a brand new environment by themselves.

Eventhough my English is sufficient enough to communicate with UK people.
Eventhough I didnt face racist issue out there.

But,
The way people talk to you,
the way people look at you.

~The Fear~ I cannot describe.

Why is this Chinese fella want to humilate the waiter?
I really cannot stand it, I really cannot make myself to see this happen.

It was a heartbreaking moment really.
I have no appetite at all that night.

The incident strike my feeling strongly.

Since then,
I tell myself,
I do not deserve to sit at the dining chair really.

It was my parents who give me good education,
so that I have found a job,
and being invited to the press night.

In fact,
I didnt do anything that I can feel proud of myself,
that makes me sit at that dining chair.

And ofcourse the waiter didnt do anything that he should feel ashame of himself,
that makes him stand behind my dining chair and serve me food.

I sit there because I am a Malaysian who is well-educated.
He stand behind me because he is a foreign labour.

That's simple.
Just that's simple.

I do not deserve it,
I simply do not deserve this.

Sitting on that dining chair,
makes me fear.

p/s: my opinion in this incident doesnt applicable in many other places like fast food restaurant, cafe and bla bla bla.....

some of our bloody Malaysian waiter and waitress did gave me some fucked up service and still dare to take service charge in my bill.

These people do not even respect to their own job,
what is the point of respecting them?

very unproductive

This blog entry could offend many people,
but I dont give a damn.

I read another negative news about Steven Tea Garden today,
and it reminds me of last year my friends asked me to join STG membership.

I did not write this blog with hatred,
but I did it with anger,
I just want to prove that how fool are these people to think that they can achieve something without sacrifice anything.

This was not the firstime I have been invited to listen to direct-sales talk.
In fact, I went couple of times.

Why I refuse to believe in direct-sales?
the reason is simple.

Direct-sale is unproductive.

It's all about making money,
pyramid shape, tower shape, staircase shape, family tree shape....
I don't care.

There is nothing wrong with sales.
Sales people sell thing.
Sales people sell handphone, sell car, sell laptop.

But direct-sale is a different case,
no matter how good your product is,
it definitely doesnt worth the price.

Reason is simple,
because you have to distribute the revenue to your upper line and bottom line whatsoever.

So many people,
selling one single product.

If I buy one thing for you,
I might have to pay salary for 10sales people perhaps.

What's the point?

It is the sales people who gain the benefit,
not the customer.

The basic idea is bad.

Why I say direct-sales is unproductive?
Because the people who sales doesnt participate in the process of production.

All they know, is to sell the product.
By inviting friends for a drink in mamak or cafe.

They know nothing at all.
Trust me, even the one who sell the product, know nothing about the product at all.

But still they dare to ask you to come out when they are not equipped with sufficient product knowledge, is because there is always a mystery friend (I call them stranger) behind to talk to you.

Thats the different between direct-sales and sales.

Sales people know exactly what they are doing, they sell things for the sake of job.
Direct-sales people dont know a shit, they sell things for the sake of money.

Can you see the difference?
Sales is a job, direct-sales isnt.

Once a friend of mine has turn to work in direct-sales,
personally I think their personality has already change,
their attitude to friendship has corrupted.

Ofcourse they will never admit that they have already change,
and in fact they are fear of people saying that they had change.

That's why they always say,

'Listen first la, if dont join nvm de.'

'Dont join still can be friend mah'

'Don't get me wrong, I am not using you'

COME ON!!!!
DONT GIVE ME THIS SHIT MAN....

The one who talk about this sick ice-breaking speech,
I will definitely pour the cold water to their head man.

You yourself already realized that people perception would be like that,
you knew people will feel like that once they found that you're doing direct-sales.

That's why now you have to save your ass,
to help other people to THINK,
before they can start thinking by themselves.

In fact,
I never say that you're using me,
I never say that I wont be friend wit you,
I never say that I wont listen to your product recommendation what!!!

It is you yourself who thought that direct-sale IS A PROBLEM,
that's why you have to do yourself a self-clarification.

A friend who work for direct-sale told me,
'I am not doing direct-sale, dont worry!'

Can you see that?
They knew direct-selling is a problem but they insist that they are not doing that, they afraid of admitting that they are doing direct-sale.

Today,
newspaper stated that STG didnt apply the lisence for direct-selling and could face legal action.

Now,
go tell the court that you are not doing direct-selling la!

Come on,
it is obvious that this is a direct-selling,
dont treat me like a fool just because you are one.

First greeting they always say,
'You want to drive BM?'
(NO, NEVER TIHNK ABOUT THAT)

'Look at me, I got a new car.'
(IT'S YOUR COMPANY's CAR anyway!)

A much more rational approch would be,
'How are you lately? got a job?'

Damn,
then I answer,
'Nope, but currently I am making my short-film with my friends, very busy really.'

He answer,
'Wah, so kasihan meh? no job ah?'

I think to myself,
I am saying that I AM MAKING A SHORT-FILM with my friend,
I didnt say that I am kasihan because no job wor....

You see these fellas problem?
every sentence they use and every word that they speak to you,
have the purpose to convince you to join the membership,
even the ice-breaking session and greeting part.

I mean,
what is the point of having conversation like this?

I am doing my short-film because this is my dream,
and I AM PURSUING my dream and my ambition.

What the hell are you people doing now?
seeking fools species like one of you to join the membership?
who is more kasihan now???

Seriously,
at that moment,
these fellas makes my future direction even clearer,
atleast I know what I want.

In the end, I made my short-film,
but these fellas?

I dont even need to keep updating their so called 'business' progress and latest situation,
the news coverage and report is sufficient enough to let me know what's going on.

Ofcourse,
the ending of STG today is not the direct-sales people fault,
this I make myself very clear.

It was a Singaporean company who take over STG's managment and stop the cafe's direct-sales growth.

But if you analyze the promises these fellas made to me,
you will know they were talking bullshit to me.

The guarentee, the vision (short vision like mice), the future, the money, the business
~ALL CRAP~

There is no such thing as 'share a business' with me,
dont cheat yourself please.....

The moment you ask me out for a drink,
your intention is clear already....
ONE PURPOSE~ONE AIM....
---------------------------------drag me to join the membership !!!

Yes ofcourse you can disagree with that,
you can refuse to admit that.

But deep inside your heart you ask yourself,
do you really want to see me?

I bet you not,
that's a fact.

No way you gonna argue wit me.
The fact is,
after the conversation that day,
none of them did invite me for a drink again.

You see?
Once they said 'Dont join still can be friend mah'
but in the end, they are the one who give up the friendship, because I do not have value for them already.

They proved themselves are wrong,
I do not need to do anything to prove that I am right.

Direct-sales is not wrong,
but most of the people, especially in our country and the money-minded Chinese had make it so so wrong!!!

They thought they were clever or smarter,
know how to make fast cash,
but they lost their friendship,
whether they admit it or not,
they already did....

As for me,
ofcourse I still treat these people as my friend,

but there is no doubt that you have already leave me a bad image for forever.
Days shall pass, but still I remember there was once in a lifetime you asked me out for the sake of money.

YOU ARE USING ME.

and YOU DO NOT RESPECT OUR FRIENDSHIP.

I didnt say that actually,
it was you yourself who proved this.

After all,
you are still my friend.